Helen Mary Haines is the very best of us—a woman of luminous generosity and kindness, the most intelligent and measured of voices, someone who stands firmly for a more accountable and more civil parliament. I'm hugely grateful to know my warm, funny friend. She can put anyone at ease. She makes an excellent sponge and grows a beautiful garden. She tells great stories about being a small Colac schoolgirl unafraid to take on the nuns and about riding her bike through the snow of Uppsala in black tie during her PhD studies. She adores her husband, and this week the whole country has seen why. She is a very proud mother of three, excited by two grandchildren, one born just in time to be squeezed into a Lions onesie for this year's grand final.

When I was first elected, Helen and her team showed me, my team and our crossbench colleagues incredible kindness and generosity. It's small wonder that we ask ourselves what Helen would do when times get tough. She acts with utter integrity and respect for her colleagues. By all accounts she was a wonderful nurse and midwife, and she's an extraordinary parliamentarian.

Global instability and economic insecurity are challenging our social fabric. In an age of shouting but not listening, people are increasingly angry and aggressive. Last Monday's attack brought into focus the increasingly hostile environment in Australian politics. But it's the same in our hospitals, our schools, our shopping centres and our offices. It's not all men, but most aggression is committed by men. One man drove at Helen, but others ran to her instinctively and courageously, and they saved her life. People say they don't recognise our country. I've been told that many times in the last week, but our basic decency and our selflessness are there still. We have to use those muscles, not the others.

It's my belief that all of us in this place bear some responsibility for the corrosion in public discourse. How we speak to each other is modelled by our communities. But the media also bears responsibility for turning anxiety into outrage, for amplifying grievance for more clicks and for fostering misogyny and disrespect of female leaders. Our democracy depends on people being willing to serve their communities. As Helen has said herself, a woman's place is in every room where decisions are made. We have to protect all women, not just those in public life.

The attack on Helen united the country in shock and grief, but within days politicians reverted to partisan brawling. That's a poor example to our communities if we can't come together to act after the gentlest of us has been subjected to unthinkable violence. We can pledge to debate robustly with honesty, respect and compassion. We can work together against rising inequality. We can support digital protections against impulse farming and anonymous abuse. We can legislate truth in political advertising. If we achieve greater integrity in government, we will restore trust in it. The media has to rethink how it weaponises anger and amplifies the most divisive voices. But the public is responsible too. We all share the public square.

Helen has advocated for better infrastructure for Indi. Her work on the National Anti-Corruption Commission and other transparency measures defines her as a great champion of integrity. Since she first stood for parliament, she has spoken often and urgently of the need to improve rural health care, especially mental health care. She's advocated for a new hospital for Albury-Wodonga, for more mental health beds, for more support for health professionals who want to train in centres like hers. She always uses her magnificent heart and mind for the greater good. God gives his hardest battles to the strongest soldiers. While we await her return, we can improve mental health services in the regions. We can put government funding where the need is highest and services are scarcest, as Helen has always advocated. In the meanwhile, we give gratitude and support to those who are caring for our friend and our love always to her family, but we love her too and we look forward to her return.