Senate debates

Tuesday, 25 March 2014


Abbott Government

7:27 pm

Photo of Sam DastyariSam Dastyari (NSW, Australian Labor Party) Share this | | Hansard source

Hear ye, hear ye! My Lord, Lady and Lieges: I am shocked and horrified that people are ridiculing the bold and inspirational leadership of the people's Prime Minister, Sir Anthony Abbott of Warringah.

While some may claim that returning to knighthoods is taking the country backwards, I can think of no more important policy for our realm right now, because reform does not simply stop at backing bigots. No, friends: this is a Prime Minister with a vision for the future. This is a Prime Minister with a passion. This is a Prime Minister with a broadsword in his hands. While there are those who claim this is simply a policy designed to win votes in the marginal seat realm of Australia west, I reject this outright. With Holden and Ford already leaving, the carriage industry is a growth sector this government is prepared to embrace. I do not want to send the bazaars into a flurry, but rumours abound that Dame Gina Rinehart is prepared to supply the shields, armour and weaponry. What a boost to the West!

And, my friends, there are on-water matters as well. The free trade agreement the government is currently negotiating with the East India trading company is going to open Australia to spice markets unseen for a generation.

Friends, let me be clear: together we will stop the moats. In the past few days, I have consulted my economic round table and can categorically state that, by adopting this policy, dozens and dozens of pounds can be saved. I was excited to hear that ministries, in addition to knighthoods, will now be determined through a jousting tournament in the caucus room. Senator Bernardi from the realm of Australia South, whose jousting skills are lacking, confirmed that this has actually been the case for some time.

But, friends, all is not well—for an ill wind doth blow. My good friend Senator Sinodinos of the realm of South Wales New is currently facing the Inquisition. Despite what the court wizard may say, I believe he will float and be returned to the court forthwith.

We need a leader who will reject climate change, who knows the world is not warming. Friends, we need a leader who knows that winter is coming, for all of us know that we are living in the time of the Game of Tones.