Sarah Witty (Melbourne, Australian Labor Party) Share this | Hansard source

'It's better this happens now than later. We can always try again.' These are things that were said to me when I experienced the devastating loss of yet another baby before they had the chance to take their first breath. Words meant to comfort instead cut deeply into my grief. At the time, I felt angry and a pain at how misunderstood I was, but over the years that anger slowly transformed into something else: gratitude. Strange, I know. As much as their words hurt, I came to realise they were spoken from a place of not knowing. They didn't understand the depth of this kind of loss, and in a strange way I was glad they didn't—gratitude. If they had truly known the pain of pregnancy loss, they would never have said those things to someone hurting like I was. If the people that were closest to me were unable to understand the extent of my loss, how could I expect others to know what I was going through? I couldn't.

Losing a child at any stage is profoundly painful, yet babies lost before they are even able to breathe are often met with silence, discomfort or avoidance. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month—a time to recognise thousands of families across Australia who have experienced the heartbreak of losing a pregnancy, a baby or a young infant. For too long, these experiences have been endured in silence. I know I did. This month provides a moment for our nation to pause, acknowledge the grief of families and recommit to supporting them with compassion, understanding and care.

The loss of a baby is a profound and life-altering event. The hopes and dreams of a future are suddenly replaced with deep sorrow. Did you know that every year 2,200 babies are stillborn and more than 700 newborns die before their first birthday? The Public Health Association estimates that around 100,000 pregnancies end in miscarriage. At the time of my miscarriage, my first miscarriage, it was one in four pregnancies. At that time, it was me, my sister and two friends all pregnant at the same time. It was my baby that was lost. It was my husband and I who watched those kids grow and reach those wonderful milestones in life—first birthdays, first steps, first days at school. As those wonderful kids face the end of their school life and wonder what to do next, it's important to remember that pregnancy and infant loss affect not only parents but also siblings, grandparents, extended families, friends and workplaces. It touches every part of our community.

As a society we have become better at speaking openly about many forms of grief, but pregnancy loss and infant loss are still often spoken about in hushed tones or not at all. Many parents say what hurts most is when their baby's life goes unacknowledged and when others do not know what to say. But, by having conversations like this one here in the parliament, we can help break that silence, validate that grief, honour the lives lost and ensure that families feel seen and supported. Awareness must always be matched with action. That includes ensuring bereavement leave and workplace supports are fit for purpose, that parents have access to counselling and culturally-safe services and that health systems are responsive to the needs of families in their care.

Community groups, peer networks and charities also play an essential role, providing understanding, remembrance events and practical support during the darkest moments. Their work deserves recognition and sustained support.

Tonight, as, around the country, homes light up a candle to mark Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, we remember all the little lives gone too soon. We stand with families who carry their memories every day and we recommit to creating a society where their grief is acknowledged, their babies are remembered and they are supported with love and dignity.

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